bangs 2011

Family History

Christmas 2010

Nine of the albums in those boxes are family history that my Memaw put together for us. In the mid to late 80s she began to research our family history and by the time of her death in 1996 she had put together 7 volumes that go back as far as the 1600s. She was able to include a lot of oral histories from her brothers and sisters and aunts and uncles as well. Everything was well documented and I was amazed by how much work she was able to do without the help of the internet. I was astounded! I really wish that I'd been able to appreciate the work she did on this when she was alive. She made copies for each of her siblings and each of her daughters. My Aunt Ginger passed away when I was in high school. I thought a lot about my cousins Jessica, Amanda and Whitney while we worked on moving the family history into new binders and looked at all the hard work our grandmother did. I wondered if they still have the copies that Memaw made for Aunt Ginger. I wished that they had been here to hear the stories that Momma had to tell about going up to see Ginger and the girls when Whitney was born and how we went up to see our Great Aunt Eva afterward. I was just a little girl then and had no idea that we were there to visit and to go to cemeteries and collect more oral history. While we went through photos and Memaw's memories of her childhood and the pictures and memories of Momma and Aunt Ginger's childhoods I wished that my cousins could have been with us. I really don't know if they would even have been interested in hearing about the places they lived or about the dogs they had when their mom was little, but I know I would have.
bangs 2011


Time just moves so quickly. I can hardly believe that I'm almost a year away from my graduation from massage school. I don't know if I've mentioned how great this year has been. I've traveled to Miami, Athens and Atlanta. I've worked here and there, both with massage and at Sally again. I'm temping right now and like what I'm doing. I've had a lot of time off and had a lot of fun. I've spent a lot of time talking to the dog during the day and a lot of time procrastinating as well.
December 2010December 2010

I have so many thing to tell you about that I'll probably forget to write about. Lesser events I'd like to write about include the the A-frame Barbie house I found on a trash pile and I'm cleaning up and making awesome, my love affair with the TV show Supernatural, and the fact that I'm teaching myself about Tarot. Bigger things include the Essential Oil Workshop I took over my birthday weekend, my two week trip to Atlanta with Momma and our adventures there, and the fact that Steve and I are adventuring back into cooking at home.

In the meantime, go watch The Fall. I'm currently quite enraptured by it. We can talk about that later too!
xo K
bangs 2011

house proud

I was lucky enough to grow up in a clean house. Momma always had a chore list for me and we always did a sweep through the house for clutter and dust and junk before company came over. Still, I remember clutter gathering in piles that I never noticed in other people's homes when I was little.

As an adult, I find that I have a system of "let-it-get-so-bad-that-I-can't-stand-it-then-clean-it". I never let it get so bad that it seems like hobos live here, but I wonder what hobo homes really look like. I feel like no one else works this way and it makes me crazy. Steve and I have been watching Hoarders has helped me realize that I'm not off the deep end by any means, but I still wonder if everyone else's homes are as model perfect as they seem. I swear, I think my grandparents and aunt and childhood bff's homes of my youth have made me feel like I'm living like a slob.

I would love to post a picture of the nest that Rubydog and I have been living in while it has been so cold. It looks like this:

If zoomed out, it really looks like this:
That's right, You can see makeup remover wipes, an empty plastic cup, stuff for doing my nails, a bra!, chips and dip, stuff from my GLAM display and more... it's like a game of I Spy! (What you can't see were the jeans I took off and left on the living room floor, 5 pairs of shoes, all the game controllers strewn about...) I figure it can't be too bad... I was able to clean it up in 10 minutes, but I wonder if I'm the only one who lives like this.

Maybe my standards of what constitutes a clean house are just too high. Do I really need to clean my windowsills every week? Can't I be pleased that I vacuumed up the majority of dog hair from the couches and floor? Isn't it enough that my bathroom isn't moldy and that I wash the rugs in there regularly?

I've been off my OCD medication for a year and 3 months now. I feel like I'm doing pretty well with handling messes without it. When I think back to my medicated years, I remember the house being cleaner, but maybe it wasn't. We'll probably never know!

Cross posted to <a href=">WearingSkirts</a>
bangs 2011


We had a quiet Christmas this year. I "finished" my job at Sally two days before Christmas and Momma came up on the 23rd. Steve somehow started his holiday vacation on the 23rd as well and the festivities began!

I cooked chicken and rice and a ham and Momma made a pumpkin pie and stuffed mushrooms. It was delicious! When dinner was almost over we called our neighbor Vincent over so we could give him some of our food. We had just made way too much!

On Christmas Eve we mostly stuck around the house and watched movies. Momma and I went to the candlelight service at Harvest Christian Church. It was a lovely service and a small group. I'm looking forward to going back there this year. Steve went with our friend Peter to see True Grit while we were at church. When we got home Momma and I watched The Proposal and laughed so hard. I expected it to be cute, but I liked it much more than I expected. We were too tired to finish it so we saved the end for Christmas morning.

In the morning we got up and had ham biscuits! We finished The Proposal and watched a documentary about dogs on Netflix until the Clay family rang the doorbell. We had a nice lunch at Picadilly and a great visit. They stayed through the evening because of the rain and we even had time to put together a puzzle.

Christmas 2010

When everyone left Momma went out to her van and brought in all the photo albums that we've been meaning to go through and tidy up since... well... forever. I think I'll devote a post to that on its own.

The day after Christmas was spent with all three of us curled up on different parts of the couch watching tv. We watched documentaries and movies and never left the house.

We worked on the family history off and on for days. We made our way from the 1600s to the 1970s. All we have left to do is 1970-2011.

Momma went home on Thursday after Steve and I went to the Magic Kingdom with our friends Peter and Margeaux. We had tickets because my mom had done the Outsider Art Show at the House of Blues at Downtown Disney for the last few years. We had four complimentary tickets (two of them expired on the 30th). We ended up going during the busiest week of the year and the trip really deserves a post of its own.

New Years Eve was spent with Will and Karen. We had dinner at Sonny's BBQ and went back to our house to watch TV shows but we ended up sitting up and talking til the wee hour of 11 o'clock. By 11:15 I was sure I'd be in bed, but I picked up the xbox controller and somehow played Red Dead Redemption until 1am. I should mention that I did so while wearing a "coonskin" cap I purchased at Disney the day before. I should mention that I bought it right after saying "I'll wear it for luck while I play Red Dead Redemption!"

That brings me up to 2011. I'll have some details on the family history and our trip to Disney.

bangs 2011

another new year

This year, I don't feel the need for a new beginning. I've always loved having a clean slate, but this year I feel pretty good about who I am and where I stand in life.

December 2010

To recap 2010:
I left the Department of History at UF to go to massage school.
I spent six beautiful months at Florida School of Massage.
I went back to work at Sally Beauty Supply part time.
I got my Massage License!
I slowly have begun to build a practice.
Steve started to teach me to play the piano.
I started working at Sally almost full time and put massage on hold.
I did GLAM for the second year and it was awesome!
I quit Sally right before Christmas.
Steve and I went to Disney!
I wasn't sick all year!

I definitely count myself lucky to have a husband as patient and understanding as I do. Mr. Clay has been my rock this year and has really put up with so much as I have worked toward becoming my authentic self this year.

Identity Protected

I can't imagine a more patient man. It's funny, I keep coming up with that adjective. He seems to be tireless when it comes to explaining music theory when I'm fidgety and ready to do something else. He works hard all day and hasn't complained about me taking half a year off to go to school or only working part time the rest of the year. He nudges me toward getting a job or toward not quitting that job once I have it, but he doesn't push me. He's probably figured out that pushing me just brings me to a stop!

There are a few things I might have done differently this year, but all in all, I'm proud of the woman I've become. I'm planning and hoping to post more this year. I probably say this every year and every year I'm paralyzed by the fear of imperfection. I worry that what I post isn't worth reading or that there are so many blogs out there that I read that are beautiful and amazing and that I'll never measure up. I'm tired of feeling that way. I'm ready to put myself out there and see what happens.

With Ruby
bangs 2011

My How You've Grown

Peacocks at FSMPeacocks at FSM

When I last posted I knew that I was planning to take a break from all of my internet posting. I wanted to go "off the grid" while I was in massage school but I still kept up with my Facebook and Livejournal accounts in order to keep up with my friends, but I chose not to comment much as I wanted to remove myself from the internet as much as possible. Here I am, eight and a half months later and I wish that I'd made an effort to post during my time at school. Hindsight is 20/20 and I guess I understand the whole idea of "posterity" now.

I am now in the position of not knowing how to explain where I've been for the last 8 months because saying that I was in massage school just doesn't cut it. Going to Florida School of Massage was the most amazing thing that has happened to me second only to my marriage to Steve. It was so much more than technique, anatomy and kineseology... I found a family there, I found my heart, I found my spirit. I learned about how our bodies and minds work. I think I'm lucky enough to have also had glimpses of how our souls work. It was like six months of group therapy and of learning how to connect with people on a deeper level than I ever knew I could. I learned about the magic of life and love and it was, without a doubt, the closest I will ever come to getting the owl that holds my letter for Hogwarts. Instead, we had peacocks that waited for us to open the doors on cool spring days and strutted about while we ate our lunches out on picnic tables on the lawn.

FSM daysFSM days

We spent our days in bare feet, sitting in circles on the floor, we wore feathers in our hair and learned how to make magic and how to create a safe place for people to heal themselves... I am so thankful for the friendships that were forged in my time there. I feel as though my most painful wounds have been healed. I feel that I have finally truly been known.

I have walked away from this experience as my authentic self. I am proud of who I am and I am thankful the support that I had from Steve and the rest of my family. I could not have done this without the support that they so freely gave. I could not be who i am without them.

So, here i am. So many layers peeled away... walls I've put up to protect myself, fear, anger and grief. I'm by no means at the end of the journey, but I can say that these last six months have certainly put me on my path.

Sorry if you see this twice. I've posted it to as well
  • Current Mood: satisfied
bangs 2011

my how you've grown

Once in a while while I'm outside, I notice the hint of Fall on the breeze. I think of Smokey and of Evey sitting in the yard and sniffing the change of the seasons and the way that the look in their eyes always gave me hope for a new season.

I haven't been posting because life has been pretty busy. I'm still getting massage pretty regularly and I am constantly reminded of just how important touch is in our lives. I find that when I have massage regularly, I feel better, I think more clearly and I feel better in my body. I find that I am less obsessive when I have more clarity and the quiet hour on the massage table certainly affords me more clarity.

I had my Entrance Interview at the Florida School of Massage last week and let my work know of my full intention to leave the following day. I plan to stay in my position until Winter Break and start school in January. Work has known that I am planning to go, but I haven't been able to pinpoint when I would be leaving. I am excited and nervous about leaving the safety of this job to make my own way in life, but I believe that I am making the right choice. What calms my nerves is that I don't actually feel that even is a choice, it is just my natural next step.

I have been doing a lot of babysitting lately in my off time. I usually come home tired, but I feel so fulfilled in the connections that I am making with children. Steve and I don't have a plan regarding starting a family. We wouldn't plan to do anything until I'm done with the Massage Program anyway, but the time I have been spending with my favorite children is so wonderful!

If anyone is interested, I may post the application essay that I wrote for my application to school. It may not be worth much but good to have here for posterity!

xo K xo

bangs 2011

my life is drenched in peacock blues and greens


it truly is.

I haven't had much to say since December and mostly I've been limiting my internet responsibilities due to living "off the computer".

If anyone is actually reading this, you may remember that I left my job in December so I could go to massage school in January. I could not have made a better decision. I don't really know how to articulate the fact that I feel like a totally new person and more like myself than ever at the same time. I haven't written about it on lj because the process I've been going through have been so intensely personal that I've been using a paper journal again.

My school is so amazing. We are given time to work on our inner selves in order to become better therapists. Sometimes being in class is like being in therapy. We laugh and cry and share and it is all so beautiful. I just can't convey how safe and happy I feel there. I am in love with my decision to pursue massage therapy and hope that I can share even just a fraction of what I've learned with the people in my lives and the clients that come to me.

The peacocks above are only two of the half dozen or more that visit us on campus. Usually they show up whenever there is a really intense massage session going on and they look in the doors and make their awesome - almost human- peacock call. We have at least 3 males and 3 females and they very much tempt me to color my hair in peacock blues and greens. I can't imagine that I will ever think of my time at FSM without conjuring their image.

As for the rest of my life - it has been overtaken by watching Supernatural. I'm pretty sure that Steve is tired of hearing my theories about it. I doubt that I was quite this interested in Doctor Who or really anything since Buffy. Ahhh... fandom. I've been prone to obsessing over tv shows and movies since i was very small. I just can't help it.

All in all, time is flying. I can't believe I'll be 33 in a few days. I can't believe I'll have been in Gainesville 5 year in July or that Steve and I have been married for 2 years. I can't believe I'll be done with school in 2 months and (hopefully) a Licensed Massage Therapist a few months after that.

bangs 2011

Rearranging Our Furniture

In the 4 and a half years that I've lived in this house it has seen many changes. We've painted our walls and changed the furniture around a million times, but this is one of my favorite changes so far. Steve decided that he would like to have his "Rock Room" in what was our office. His computer stayed in what is the new Rock Room and mine moved to the new Den. We have a den. To me, having a den only comes when you have a different room that is set up as a "Living Room" and now we do. So far, we only have pictures of the new den, but the pics of the living room and rock room will up on flickr soon.

We tucked my desk and computer behind the couch so that it would be easy for Steve to do computer stuff while I watch tv. We really didn't know where else to put the desk, so this works well for us as I like to watch movies and Steve feels frustrated using the laptop so we can hang out together. Now he just puts on headphones when there is something he wants to listen to on the computer and I just keep going!
New Desk Area

We also have what I'm calling the TV Wall. The TV is on top of a credenza that used to belong to my mom's parents. It held their records and candles. My guess is that each of them got to fill half and MeMaw chose candles and Poppie chose LPs. It still has his notes of what records go where and soem newspaper clippings taped to the doors regarding CDs being the future of music listening.

Wall of TVsTV wall.
I know it's crazy but we have a two-tv system. We use the big one for general watching and the little one for video game playing. We really don't use both that often anymore, but there was a time that this solved many problems concerning both of us wanting to play different games (on different systems) at one time or one of us wanted to watch a movie while the other wanted to play a game. It looks ridiculous but it works for us.

Ruby loves the new room. It is nice to have a room that works so well for our needs and even has a window for her to look out of!

crossposted to Wearing Skirts Blog I'm sorry if you see it twice!
  • Current Location: the den
  • Current Music: stargate atlantis!
bird brush

changing tides

keene-flint hall

Today was my last full day at work before leaving for the holiday break and then to go to school. My last official day was supposed to be December 23rd, but the department was going to be closed for fumigation next week. Now the fumigation was postponed and we're taking turns watching the office those days so everyone gets some time off.

I've been sick all week and practically dragging myself through the week, but it will all be over soon.

Why am I sick? I think it is because I accompanied my mom to Tallahassee last weekend for an art show and we set up at 5:30 in the morning in the rain in 45 degree weather. We had time to set up and make one sale before the people in charge decided that it was time to close up. The cold rain soaked through 3 layers of clothes, I changed into 3 more layers and got soaked again. My mom already had double pneumonia and I didn't want to let her go alone - or at all.

We were so lucky to be staying with emily. We came back to her house drenched to the bone and went straight to the laundry room, put our clothes in the washer and put on our jammies. Mom and I both crashed and slept off as much of the cold as we could.

I'm not saying we didn't have fun. emily and I had a great time going to dinner and Target, Walmart and Country Dollar. We go to visit and hang out with Opal and Binks. We came home on Sunday morning and slept forever.

I have plenty more to say. I'm hoping to write on these subjects soon:
Amy's wedding
not having heat
House Rearranging

stay tuned. I won't wait so long to write!

crossposted to Wearing Skirts Blog
bangs 2011

going home


When I was a little girl, my dad would take me with him to the lake to visit his friend Charlie and his wife Kathryn. They were my grandparents age and I always saw them as a third set of grandparents. My dad would go fishing with Charlie or they would go out on the airboat or do whatever dudes do when they're at the lake and they would leave me with Kathryn. Kathryn always treated me like another one of her grandchildren. She would play puzzles with me or we would read or play with my Barbies. She made me lunches and loved me like I was her own. I never felt as though I was pawned off on her while my dad went and had fun with his friends. Years later my dad married Charlie and Kathryn's daughter, Susan, and they really did become my third set of grandparents. I loved that I had known them since I was a little girl. Susan was much like her mother and has always treated me like her

Kathryn passed away Friday night. I worked half a day and came home to Ormond Beach to be with family for her service. I'm glad to be home and so thankful that I was able to come here to pay my respects to a woman was truly a part of my family.

speaking of family - right now i am totally missing these two:

I left work after noon yesterday, packed and took off for Ormond Beach to spend a few days with family. The drive was entirely pleasant though I missed having the company of Steve and Ruby. I did stop on the way home to take a picture at the entrance of one of the horse farms that I always see and think "I'd like to have a picture of that". Now I can cross taking that picture off my list!


I can say that I am quite thankful for so much right now. I'm just getting over being sick for 3 weeks. A sinus infection and the flu hit me at once at the very beginning of October and the flu just wouldn't let go of its hold on me. During week 3 of being sick, I was overcome by being unable to breathe. It happened once or twice for about 5 minutes or so, but then it happened and it lasted 15 minutes and didn't stop. By the time I got to the Walk in Clinic after work that day I hadn't been able to breathe normally for over an hour and a half. The doctor suggested it must be Bronchial Spasms and that I keep using the inhalers that I was using for my cough even though one of them made it much much worse.

I went to my own doctor first thing next morning and her diagnosis made so much more sense. She actually examined me by pressing my ribs a couple different ways and listened to my explanation that one of the inhalers makes my breathing worse. I have Costochondirits. It basically means that my cartilage is inflamed where my ribs meet my sternum and where they meet my spine. This makes me have stabbing pain in my chest when I breathe. I went off the bad inhaler and stayed on just one and took a bunch of other medicine to help the inflammation and the pain because CLEARLY i can't go on not breathing.

Speaking of bodies... I am beginning Massage School in January. I don't plan to go back to work after we leave for Winter Break. I'm excited and nervous and I can't wait! I had a dream last week that I was in class and we had to massage bear cubs in front of their Mama Bear to experience "massage under pressure".
I'm going to head off to bed now. I have a WHOLE bed to myself and still can't sleep because I'm afraid I'll kick Ruby.

  • Current Mood: nostalgic